Lithium
by madame.alexandra
Summary: He was like a drug...and she was addicted. Sparrabeth Oneshot/Songfic. Dark; so be warned.


Warning: This is Dark

**Warning: **_This is Dark. Let's say I took a chance. But don't expect fluff or a fairytale ending._

**Disclaimer: **_I STILL don't own POTC 1,2, or 3. The world is cruel, is it not? Rated for strong sexuality._

* * *

He's like a drug, and she's addicted.

_Lithium_

_Don't want to lock me up inside_

_Lithium_

_Don't want to forget how if feels without_

_Lithium_

_I want to stay in love with my sorrow_

_Oh, but God, I want to let it go_…

Rain poured, a pounding torrent of sorrow from the sky that disguised the tears running down her face. A brilliant flash of lightning illuminated his furious onyx eyes, his raised hand—the next moment's deafening crash of thunder fell in perfect time to mask the harsh _smack_ of his palm against her cheek.

She stumbled back with a sharp cry that mingled with a choked sob, and lost her balance on the slick, treacherous wood of the _Pearl's_ deck. Elizabeth looked up at Jack through hazy eyes, uncertain if the rain or tears drowned her vision more. She lifted her head, warm blood trickling down her jaw, trying to find his eyes through a curtain of obscurity. Hurt, betrayed; she wanted guilt, sorrow, anything to comfort her—and found nothing before he turned his back to her, fist clenched at his side.

She ran.

She felt a sense of hopelessness as she fled, desperate to escape him and that sickening moment, knowing she could never get as far way as she wanted—not on _his_ ship. How nauseatingly ironic—what was once her shining freedom was now captivity she both hated and craved.

The hellish wind slammed the cabin door shut behind her and she collapsed against it, her shoulders shaking violently, her harsh sobs suddenly sounding loudly In her ears. She slid to the floor, boots scraping against the wood, fingers pressed against her nose to still the bleeding. She took a shuddering breath and screamed until she was hoarse, until her throat was ripping, even though she wouldn't be heard over the maelstrom—and still she couldn't scream the pain away. She still felt the impact of his hand on her cheek like white iron, the evidence of his violence stained her nails—and still she wanted him to soothe the hurt with his rum-soaked breath against her neck. Soaked to the core, freezing cold and hating him, she needed his destructive arms and enticing whispers to ease the agony he created.

_Come to bed don't make me sleep alone_

_Couldn't hide the emptiness you let it show_

_Never wanted it to be so cold_

_Just didn't drink enough to say you love me_

_I can't hold onto me, wonder what's wrong with me_

Her ideals lay shattered, her fantasies were ashes, her once solid convictions and beliefs existed in a world blown to pieces by her naïveté. Where was the defiant governor's daughter who played with fire with laughter on her lips? Burned at last. Mocked by her ideals and laughed at by crushing reality, she was trapped in a downward spiral, shackled in a dark twisted romance where two-faced love captivated her.

_Lithium_

_Don't want to lock me up inside_

_Lithium_

_Don't want to forget how it feels without_

_Lithium_

_I want to stay in love with my sorrow_

The door pressed against her back; at its touch she jumped and scrambled across the floor on her knees to the corner. Soft moonlight spilled into the cabin, creating an eerie glow, and in the next instant her haven was invaded and again shrouded in darkness.

His gaze fell on her instantly; she turned her head away, hair falling over her shoulder and protecting her face. He came towards her, his steps quick and the angry sound of his boots chilling her to the bone. The boards creaked as he stooped down; Elizabeth's shoulders shuddered as she drew a breath. He reached out and touched her hair; instinctively she jerked away, flinching, as his thumb brushed her jaw. He ignored her, tucked a thick curl of hair behind her ear, moved his palm to her cheek and ran his thump over her lips and under her nose, touching her as if she would break. He moved his hand over her knee, down her thigh, up to her shoulder and firmly pulled her close to him, wrapping her into a strong, warm embrace.

_Don't want to let it lay me down this time_

_Drown my will to fly_

_Here in the darkness I know myself_

_Can't break free until I let it go_

_Let me go_

Against her will—though she hated this, hated her dependency on their sick affair—she let him hold her. She pressed her bruised cheek against his chest and let her angry, broken tears soak through his dirty shirt. She dug her nails into his back, wanting to hurt him but all the same pulling him closer. He shrugged to loosen her nails, foiled her pitiful attempt to reciprocate her misery, and stroked the inside of her thigh with his fingers.

She wanted to beat him, claw his eyes out, and turn his own pistol on him. Every time her pushed her, grabbed her, every time me insulted her, used her body, made her cry, she swore to leave him, wanted to kill him…and then, after the screams of battle, he would come find her in the dark—he always knew where she hid—and suddenly…he would care.

In a moment like this, when his touch was gentle, his eyes soft and glittery with something akin to her own sorrow, his words loving—even if they whispered false promises. In the dark hours of night, he had the power to create paradise…but his vice was to demolish it in the morning. She forgot every insult, every slur, forgot how he demeaned and destroyed her, and melted in his arms, foolishly again almost able to believe that the man, the life—the _world_—she gave up for him was worth it. Even now she struggled against him, against herself, never wanting his cruel indifference, his inability to love her, to hurt her again….but the moment her pressed heated lips to her neck she was lured back to divine hell.

_Darling, I forgive you after all_

_Anything is better than to be alone_

_And in the end I guess I had to fall_

_Always find my place among the ashes_

It always ended like this.

He tilted her head back, captured her lips with is, kissed her until she was dizzy and aching for his touch. His hands slid over every inch of her body, tugging clothing until her skin was bare against his. His tongue caressed her mouth, her throat, all those secret parts that made her blush when she though of it later. She arched her back, pulled his hair, moaned and cried his name until he whispered hers back and they were twisting together in passion and fire, rising and falling in the throes of ecstasy and need.

_I can't hold onto me_

_Wonder what's wrong with me_

When it was over, and she lay in bed next to him, their arms and legs entangled, their hot skin pressed together, her wet hair spread over the pillows, Elizabeth was the one left awake. Sometimes she cried, sometimes she was angry, sometimes she was lost. But it was always the same.

She lay in his lazy arms, surrounded by silken sheets that forever bore his smell and the mark of her surrender, and she watched him, thinking of tomorrow. Of the next day. Knowing that this quiet wouldn't last, aware that she was a possession to him, a trophy, and full of self-loathing of what she had become. Whether it was tomorrow or the next week, the fragile paradise that existed tonight would crumble under his words and her inability to accept him as he was.

She would whisper the words to him, lacing them with venom, with all the hate she possessed.

_I'm going to leave you, Jack Sparrow._

And then she would slip her arm over his muscular chest and hold him tight, taking comfort in that fact that now, as he slept, he belonged to her.

_Lithium_

_Don't want to lock me up inside_

_Lithium_

_Don't want to forget how it feels without_

_Lithium_

_Stay in love with my sorrow_

_I'm gonna let it go_

He was her heaven; he was her hell, her god and her prince of darkness. He was her beautiful tormentor.

He was her drug.

* * *

**A/N: **_I would really appreciate reviews on this one; I love it so much and I want to know what my readers think. Constructive criticism is welcomed; flames are not._

_alexa_


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